Boundaries in Marriage by Unknown

Author:Unknown
Language: eng
Format: epub

Now put these words into the context of a marriage:

Trust each other

Have confidence in each other

Be assured of each other’s character and dependability

Be convicted of your ability to trust each other

Be certain of each other’s fidelity

Be true to one another

Be certain of one another

Be permanent to each other

Rest in each other

All of these words hint at what faithfulness is. A faithful spouse is one who can be trusted, depended upon, and believed in, and one in whom you can rest.

Our notion of faithfulness in marriage is too often shallow. We generally think of it only in the physical realm. Yet, in many marriages spouses are physically faithful but not emotionally faithful. They are faithful with their bodies but not with their hearts. The partners can’t depend on each other in the ways listed above. There is little trust, little certainty, little safety. Especially in religious circles, people think that if they are not sleeping with someone other than their spouse, they are being faithful.

But faithfulness means to be trusted in all areas, not just the sexual, trusted in matters of the heart as well as those of the body. Being faithful to your spouse means that you can be depended upon to do what you have promised, to follow through on what your spouse has entrusted to you. It means that your spouse can be certain that you will deliver on what you have promised. It could mean being sexually faithful, but it could also mean doing chores faithfully! It could mean staying within the monthly budget and coming home when you say you will. It could mean sharing without fear of reprisal or condemnation.

One of the words the Bible uses for trust (the Hebrew word batach) means to be so confident that you can be "care-less." In other words, you don’t have to worry. You are so "taken care of that you don’t have to take care yourself. You can trust that what was promised will be done. The children will be picked up from day care. The milk will be bought at the store. The bill will be paid. The appointment will be made. You can rest in the knowledge that what needs to get done will get done. This is a beautiful picture of faithfulness.

What Drives People Apart

Faithfulness, of course, also means that you will not stray from the one you love. Physical adultery means giving yourself to someone else sexually. But you can commit emotional adultery as well; you can have an "affair of the heart." An affair of the heart means taking aspects of yourself and intentionally keeping them away from the marriage.

This does not mean that you cannot have deep, sustaining, healing, and supportive emotional relationships with other people. We strongly believe in the power of friends to heal, sustain, and support. Sometimes, in fact, you need others to help you become whole enough to be able to get closer to your spouse. A friend, counselor, or support group may help you to feel safer and learn to trust more, and this will carry over into your marriage.

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